Moments: Pandora's Box
by Su Freund
Summary: Jack's thoughts as he leaves Sam in the infirmary in Grace. Episode TagPoV.


Title: Moments Series: Pandora's Box

Author: Su Freund

Website: www ficwithfins com (insert . instead of spaces in the address)

Category: PoV, episode tag

Content Warnings: Use of mild language

Pairings: Jack and Sam

Season: 7

Spoilers: Grace

Fiction Rating: T

Summary: Jack's thoughts as he leaves Sam in the infirmary

Sequel/Series Info: Drabble series of POVs based on a moment from an episode

Status: Complete

Disclaimer: Not mine and sadly never will be. No copyright infringement is intended. Copyright © 2005 Su Freund

Archive: My site, Jackfic, SJD, Gateworld, Fanfiction net

Author's Note: Called a drabble because each individual paragraph is 100 words long. This series is not written or appearing in episode order so does not follow a particular sequence except my whim in writing them. Vegas Barbie suggested I write this moment. I hope you enjoy it Barbie. This story, along with a lovely book cover made from a cap of Jack and created by Fulinn28, can be found on my site, address above.

**Pandora's Box **

That was odd! Did I imagine it or was there something a little mysterious and enigmatic goin' on? Interesting. I kinda like it. First she calls me Jack, which is pretty strange for Carter, and then she thanks me – for nothing, no less. And in between… kinda weird. Don't know why. Must have been that knock on the head. I wonder what happened to her while she was all alone and out of it? She said it felt like weeks. Felt like weeks to me too, Sam. I thought I'd lost you. Every time something happens I feel… it's hard.

It's been rough lately. When isn't it rough? Sheesh, why can't these alien bad guys give us a break? Don't take her away. Not sure I could live with that. I look forward to seeing her in the mornings. I wander into her lab on any old pretext just so I can watch and exchange a few words; just so she's around. I like being bamboozled with her explanations, so much more interesting than Daniel's just because it's her. I guess I got it bad. Nothing like the thought of loss to bring that one home to a guy. Damn!

I'm used to her being around. Crap, she isn't an old pair of shoes, for crying out loud! Admit it, Jack, you love her being around. She means a lot to me – much more than she ought to. Watching her felt kinda nice. I could do that all day and be a happy man. I'd probably prefer it wasn't in the infirmary with her unconscious after she's been missing for days. Or after being worried sick thinking of all the things that might have happened and that I was never going to see her again. No surprise there! I dream…

No I can't! I shouldn't go there! Jack, get your head out of your ass and think straight. Don't think about all that! Did I mention the cake? Yeah, I told her. Gotta have cake at a party. Yeahsureyabetchya! Nice of the guys to plan something for her. A welcome home from friends, if you like. They were pretty worried too, Sam. I guess we all love you in our own way. I'm glad they thought of it. I wish I had, but then I wouldn't have done it. Some things just aren't doable; not by me. Looks too… conspicuous?

Conspicuous. Good word. Like the sound of it. Con-spic-uous. Yeah, can't risk that. Can't do anything to rock the boat, you never know what might happen. Might be good, might be bad. Never know. That's the trouble with opening the box. Kinsey would call it Pandora's Box. That's what it's like with me and Sam. Keep it in the room, keep it locked up tight. Avoid at all costs. Too damned dangerous, too uncertain. Crap! Last thing out of the box is hope, isn't that what Daniel said? Yeah, still got some of that, but it can't go on forever.

I never even got to play her white knight and go charging to her rescue. It pisses me off that I was so helpless. She rescued her. It was her brainpower that got her back alive; and the rest of them. And she had a concussion! Jeez, only Carter… So I wanna be a hero to her, so what? Want to argue with yourself about it, O'Neill? I like the idea of her looking at me gratefully with those big baby blues, zapping me with that heart stopping smile and thinkin' I'm something special when I'm so ordinary. Go figure!

She's the special one. So, I want to impress her; sue me! I want her to feel for me like I feel for her. She's my heroine, right? She's saved my worthless butt many times, but I've saved her more worthy one too. So I should be her hero, right? Hero meets heroine, they walk off into the sunset and live happily ever after, yadda... For pity's sake, when did you become a closet romantic O'Neill? I guess I have my moments. Right here inside the mountain shouldn't be one of 'em, and definitely never with my second in command.

Regs. God love 'em. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. Whichever way you look at it you're screwed! Duty, honor… I should just be grateful that we have her back safe and sound; no apparent lasting damage. That's good enough. We're friends, and colleagues, and that's how it's gonna stay because that's how it is – for now! My feelings have grown way beyond that, but my feelings have nothing to do with it. They have no place here; the stakes are too high. Besides, what do I have to offer her? Nothin', but I've got plenty of that.

The End


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